Before Nate and I got married, we were reading Lies At The Alter (by Dr. Robin Smith) outloud together and there was a paragraph that really struck us. After reading it, we looked at each other and Nate said, “That’s us! We have a mature love!” The paragraph read, “Truth must precede love. Otherwise, what we think is love is just an illusion. The promise of truth is freedom. You can stand at the alter and say, ‘I’m not here because I feel forced to be here. I’m not here because I’ll die without you. I’m not here because it’s my last chance. I’m not here because my parents will be pleased, because everything is paid for, because I’m too embarrassed to back out. I’m here because I chose you. We stand exposed before each other. You see me. I see you. And we say, “Yes!” It’s an informed, full fledged yes. We choose to be together,’ That’s mature love.”
It seems that too many people fall in love with the idea of love, and not as much in love with the actual person that they chose to marry. Then when the infatuation fades and the illusion dissapates, they are stuck with someone they aren’t happy with. They don’t understand what it means to be married. They don’t know how to get their needs met or how to meet their spouse’s needs.
Other people get married because they think they found someone who will work out okay for them and they think it may be their last chance to get married. For those who have yet to get married, I plead with you, never think in those terms! Don’t let the thought affect your choice in the least! I have thought like that in the past and I cried to God, asking him why he would let my chance slip by like that. I must have looked so silly to God. He knew there was someone a million times more perfect for me than any of the other loves I wanted so badly in the past. After falling in love with Nate, I thanked God with everything in me for not letting my past desires be fulfilled and helping me to wait for the right one.
I’m confident in my marriage and in our ability to stay happy because we see each other for who we really are. And we love what we see. And we desire to meet each other’s needs. We know the impact of not meeting each other’s needs. I’ll blog more specifically about our basic needs in future blogs.
Romantic high’s are great, but they don’t last on their own. You must have a sturdier foundation that you can keep building on. And then you have to put in effort to keep romance alive in your marriage.
Living in truth and reality and being well rooted in your marriage is the key to mature love.
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